It's a battle never ended

I went 30 years without owning a bathroom scale. I threw mine out when I decided i had had enough of dieting and obsessing about the verdict I got each time I stepped on the damned thing. Never missed it. But after my husband's heart attack almost 2 years ago, we were urged to get a scale and for Neal to track his weight, not for weight loss but in oder to be alerted should there be any sudden increase. So we got one. In the time we have had it, I have checked my weight no more than 3 or 4 times. 

So it wasn't odd for me to step on the scale yesterday. I expected to see what I always see because I have stayed within the same range of 10 or so pounds for years now. But to my surprise my weight was down around 14 pounds, probably not surprising given my recent bout with food poisoning. And I heard that little voice in me thinking maybe I could eat less and lose even more. Just like that, that same old thinking bounded back into mind. Magical thinking that says that this time everything will fall into place and this time the weight will melt off and even more, stay off. Even though I know better.

In Jungian terms, I would say this is a complex, a cluster of emotionally charged associations, activated by the unexpected lower weight on the scale. We don’t need to get rid of our complexes, rather, we need to become consciously aware of them. What is important is what we do with our complexes. Knowing that this weight complex exists and having worked a lot on what it is and what it does, I was able not to fall into it and didn't become caught in yet another futile effort to bend my body to my will. I did not become possessed by it and almost as quickly as it came up, it again receded. But it is a battle that will never end, even though such battles are hardly more than skirmishes these days.

© CHERYL FULLER, 2010. ALL  RIGHTS RESERVED.